Toilet of Solitude

Tuesday July 15, 2008 @ 09:01 PM

Step into my office. After some conversation with Matt Koff, we both came to a dramatic fact that needs to be faced. The bathroom, and especially the toilet is the greatest part of the house and provides me with the best moments of the day. It's in the bathroom that I am king. As I sit on my throne, I lock that door and realize I am truly free. No one can come in, no one can tell me what to do, and I call the shots.

I look around. I'm surrounded in isolation. The soothing sounds of a ceiling fan or complete silence. If I'm out at a fancy establishment, the only sound may be the air freshener which periodically makes a "ppft" sound and releases sweet fragrances. Boss got you down at work? Escape to the "boss-free zone"...your work bathroom stall. And the surprises of what ends up in the toilet keeps me coming back time and time again.

What's going on in the news you ask? You came to the right place. I read the entire business section of the Daily News on the toilet this morning and boy have I got some financial tips for you. At home, I sometimes bring a radio into the bathroom. That's right, I can hear an entire baseball game as I relieve myself. What's that...is that the phone? Sorry, I can't get it. I'm relieving myself in heavenly bliss, please leave a message. Some people need to take trips around the world for vacation. I say, why not have a vacation from reality every day...on the toilet! Let's face facts, there is no better time of the day than when you take a toilet break.

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